i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
