My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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