You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
