you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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