one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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