yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
