I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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