Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
