I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
