Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
