The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
