I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
