Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
