I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
