so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
