You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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