New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
