The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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