Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
