At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
