hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
