Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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