But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
