Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
