So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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