I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
