I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
