How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
