I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
