I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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