Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
