After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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