What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
