Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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