you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
