my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
