my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
