Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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