You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
