There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
