He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
