i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
