Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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