My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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