All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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