The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
