I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
