My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
