Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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