Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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