Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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