ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
