Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
