Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
