My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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