I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
