I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
